Ready, Set, Write: Chapter

Dear Readers,

In response to two seperate writing prompts I bring to you the results of ten minutes of free flow writing based on the word ‘chapter’.
The task-find a word on the 29th page of a book near me. That book happened to be a bible and the word I found glaring at me was chapter.
Immediately, I thought about the current chapter of my life.
Have you ever thought about your life in the form of chapters? One gigantic book of happenings, twists, tales and sagas?

Today, I did. And I want to describe the one chapter currently being written about me.
Life in a new city, when you’ve spent more than a quarter of a century in another, is many things. Some days its daunting, other days its exciting. Some days I find myself thinking “this is great!” Other days …”there has to be more?”

Different things influence the above responses. Things like the weather, climate, animal life, my lack of neighbours, my new church family, new tastes and flavours, discovering the differences in various cultures, deciphering the accents and most of all – my peoples back in my hometown.

I expected this chapter to be challenging. However, not this kind of challenge . I thought I’d have more support from some places and less from others.
Yesterday I spent time reading through previous chapters of my life. They weren’t always pleasant. Infact, I think I may have blocked some of it out.
Some chapters were ruled by the stupidity borne from being naive and living a very sheltered life. Other chapters were exciting, only made so by a very vivid imagination.

Still I come back to the chapter being written presently. Filled with hope, pain, love, laughter and lots of writing.
The writing part includes three challenges.. 1) blogging 101 2) writing 101 and 3) joining a fellow blogger in her quest to write everyday for the 31 days of October.

Chapters can ne interesting, boring, full, placid and also exhilirating.

I don’t know what my future chapters are going to read like.
I do know I have the capacity to write it well.

I am still the Captain of my own ship: Spearheading my own destiny.

Inspired and Loved

Awesome Highways

Its a highway. But not a highway as you know it.
This highway is small in comparison to many others.
But its no less busy than highways you have seen.

What is a highway anyway? Isn’t it just a way called high because of large amounts of traffic pulsing through each day?
Its normally wide and long to accomodate the to and fro.

However, the highway I speak of today is the street I live on. While it gets its fair share of motoring traffic, what makes it a highway to me are the people.

Everyday they pass me by. Soldiers marching to a drumbeat.
Each soldier moving to a drumbeat of his or her own. Here comes one now. Its a young lady in white and green. She wears a backpack. Her drumbeat: school and parents. She seems ok with it all. I try not to stare as she walks by. She will learn well I hope. So that she can continue marching on. Day by day.

Another soldier approaches. He is not alone.  His troop marches to the dreambeat of a security firm not too far from my home. Its a different sound and they add to it with bass and tenor. Their voices are all I hear for a while. My eyes have closed, so as to savour it all. Good thing they don’t know I am watching. It might appear very strange.

Another company of soldiers are passing by. More of them in this troop. Younger and more energetic. Their drumbeat dsn’t make itself clear to me. But I can see they know each other. Comrades in arms they jibe and jostle each other along.

These are but a few of the soldiers that pass me each day. A handful of the whole.
Some quiet and others rowdy.  All of them represent the same thing.  One word echoes through my home. The highway screams it at me all day: LIFE

Inspired and Loved

Mind: Unlocked

The reason I read and sometimes watch the things I do, come from my lonely  childhood. At least that’s what I believe.
Books, movies, series,  sagas all present another world to me. Someone else’s world – a better world.

The stories I find most fascinating are the ones where, no matter how terrible the story, there is always a good outcome.
I’ve spent a lifetime waiting for my happy ending.  It’s like that saying: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
Yet my life has had its own miraculous moments. My mother,  who bathed me in love for no other reason (I believe) than the fact that she didn’t get it from her mother. And I don’t think from the woman who raised her either. Definitely not the way she gave it to me.

I spend most of my conscious meanderings mentally pulling myself up short.
I always realise – its because of someone else’s perception of me. I haven’t allowed myself to prove myself to myself.
Yet, I am an advocate of grace. I believe what God’s word says about me is true. And still, I live by my own philosophy – You act what you believe.

Makes me think…
How am I acting?
What do I believe?

I am acting fearful. Fearful of the opinions of people I hold in high regard.  Because I’ve placed them in that high position,  I’ve given them a title and now I expect them to live up to it.

When they don’t, I act surprised, shocked, disappointed.
Its not even my right. Another one of my philosophies…. I have no rights.
What do I deserve?  Nothing.

I hear the collective, figurative gasp at that. Especially in this day and age where people focus so much on creating your own happiness and weeding outthe rotten apples from your life, because you deserve better. Well you don’t.
We’ve been given life. Freely. And I think the very  best we can do with a free gift of such a great magnitude is live it so it does the Giver a great justice. Not mope and moan about injustices and things.
We deserve nothing more because we’ve been given so much.

I feel like I have as much to give but so few to give it to. Like I have so much greatness pent up inside me and on some level I’m afraid to let it out.

It’s true.  Our deepest fear is that we are inadequate.
I can think of nothing else that would hold me back so perfectly.  Inadequate in our sight as well as and/or possibly in the sight of others also.

I value good friendship a great deal. Yet I sometimes feel guilty that I get to experience it. Like what have I done so right to earn the things I have. And in the face of potentially losing it – I find myself feeling guilty again. What right do I have to want to cling to something other people don’t even know how to dream of because there is nothing that can match it.

I love watching or reading books that invoke thoughts of being more and accepting more.

I am overwhelmed when I think of the space I actually take up in this universe.  In comparison I am nothing. In comparison I am no-one.
Yet my being here does something.  It creates something.  Brings forth something.  Dare I say it?

Something great.

I believe in ripple effects and butterflies.  The opportunity to change and be so transformed that you have no choice but to affect your surroundings.
More guilt.
EVERYTHING I do affects someone or something else. It does so in both good and bad ways.
I hate regret. Its a terrible thing. It festers and breeds till all it has brought forth is lack of reason to be thankful.

P.s. 20 minutes of free flow writing…. I did good 🙂