Two plus two equals four. Yes or no?

My blogging prompt for today makes no sense.
But I am nothing if not quite the dramatic soul. I tend to look for the hidden meaning in EVERYTHING!
I analyze and re-analyze until it feels mystical and what-not.

Anyhow, back to thw prompt. My first thought was basically, how do I write about something as simple as a sum? Almost immediately after I came up with a different answer.

I love children. I had planned to have 8 children by the age of 32. Turns out I didn’t even get to give birth to 1.
My new answer to this sum is 6. Two plus two is six. Not four.

If I am married and my husband and I have two sets of twins… two plus two equals a family of six.

Having a toddler makes me think I’m crazy for ever wanting more than just one. I can’t even imagine having 2!

But, as always, I remain thankful for this awesome experience. It still takes my breath away when I think of the responsibility raising a child actually provides me with.
But I’m doing it. To the very best of my ability, and daily I get overwhelmed with the beautiful love she inspires in me.

Inspired and Loved

When I was 12…

I don’t remember anything about the twelfth year of my life.

I was 12. That is quite a while ago but by sheer calculation I am able to provide you with the following tidbits.

I had received a puppy for my 11th birthday. His name was Wowser and he had green eyes. Some would call his breed a steekbaard but truly I do not know. The year I was 12 would then have been Wowser’s second year on earth. He died a virgin many years later and was a really sweet pooch.

I was living with my mom for sure. Any extra living mates do not come to mind right now. My mother worked at a children’s convalescent home. That means odd hours. And working every alternate weekend.

If memory serves me well that was also my first year at Mondale Secondary School.
Getting into Mondale was my mother’s dream for me. It was the best school close to home and getting accepted was nothing short of a miracle.
Starting high school is always a stressful thing. My transition from primary school to high school was mafe easier by the fact that most of my classmates got accepted there too.

The twelfth year of my life doesn’t bring about many memories but its the kind of thing I’m thankful for.

It might sound cheesy but without the year I was 12 happening, I would never have made it to 13 😀

Inspired and Loved

A Durban Concert Experience

he invitation came about two or three weeks ago. One of the guys at church asked me to accompany him and some other souls to sing at a concert.

Yes. I sing. I’m passionate about worship. I likewise love to dance!

Anyway, we started practicing and so on. Still, nothing could prepare me for the experience. Does nobody like to dance in public here? The stage had been set and the atmosphere was positively abuzz with rhythm. But nobody was actually dancing. Even though there was enough space. There was lots of cheering though.

Coming to Durban initially I had felt I was going to enter into the Bollywood central of South Africa. You may find that ignorant, but when you don’t know, you just don’t know. Until you actually arrive there.

Everyone I have met, so far, has been so conservative. I feel positively wild in comparison. I don’t imagine I have ever thought of myself in that light. It’s not actually terrible.
They cast it down to my ‘coloured’ heritage. I haven’t yet been able to convince them otherwise.

I had a great night nonetheless. Especially since we had fans 😀
One thing I may never lack here is affirmation. I really appreciate that. In fact, I LOVE that!

It was a fun time right down to everyone  gravitating to McD’s after without actually planning to.

I’m enjoying it all. The sights and sounds of Durban.
In light of where I now live, I cannot help but make a foodie comparison… I have become the curry, the sambal if you will. And all my new souls are the cool raita and tzatziki of my Durban life.

What an awesome privilege.

Inspired and Loved

Awesome Highways

Its a highway. But not a highway as you know it.
This highway is small in comparison to many others.
But its no less busy than highways you have seen.

What is a highway anyway? Isn’t it just a way called high because of large amounts of traffic pulsing through each day?
Its normally wide and long to accomodate the to and fro.

However, the highway I speak of today is the street I live on. While it gets its fair share of motoring traffic, what makes it a highway to me are the people.

Everyday they pass me by. Soldiers marching to a drumbeat.
Each soldier moving to a drumbeat of his or her own. Here comes one now. Its a young lady in white and green. She wears a backpack. Her drumbeat: school and parents. She seems ok with it all. I try not to stare as she walks by. She will learn well I hope. So that she can continue marching on. Day by day.

Another soldier approaches. He is not alone.  His troop marches to the dreambeat of a security firm not too far from my home. Its a different sound and they add to it with bass and tenor. Their voices are all I hear for a while. My eyes have closed, so as to savour it all. Good thing they don’t know I am watching. It might appear very strange.

Another company of soldiers are passing by. More of them in this troop. Younger and more energetic. Their drumbeat dsn’t make itself clear to me. But I can see they know each other. Comrades in arms they jibe and jostle each other along.

These are but a few of the soldiers that pass me each day. A handful of the whole.
Some quiet and others rowdy.  All of them represent the same thing.  One word echoes through my home. The highway screams it at me all day: LIFE

Inspired and Loved

Overwhelmed….Everyday

Overcome with thankfulness daily. What an awesome thing.
Overcome and so overwhelmed that you cannot contain your thanksgiving.

I was watching a music video called O The Blood sung by Kari Jobe and Gateway Worship. And it happened. The overwhelming.
That awe-inspiring realisation that God knew every thing I could do wrong in my whole, entire life.
He knew how many times I would deny Him.
The amount of times I would disobey.
Every single time I would “forget” to pray or praise or worship or give thanks.

Still He died for me
Still He defends me
Still He communes with me
Still He inspires me daily
Still He remains faithful
Still He loves me

Now I sit here and wonder……. Imagine that everyday, I could remember, with vivid clarity, what He did and keeps doing for me.
Imagine that everyday, I find myself beyond moved with love and thanksgiving for what was done for me.

How would that change me? How would that change my day? How would it change what I do, what I experience and even how I react to whatever may come my way…

Inspired and Loved

Dear Dream Reader….

Thinking about who my dream reader could be took quite a while.

At first I had no idea then I had to many ideas.
So I looked at pictures for inspiration. And there it was ….or rather they were

http://instagram.com/p/op4EtDA9ro/

My dream readers are the would-be judges and jurists in this world. People in general have a right to, and most feel free to share, their opinions.

Most times, I have come across some souls who think that having an opinion also equals having authority.  But they don’t.  Only I have the authority to make decisions in my own life.
Many a time I have been confronted by people who think they have the right to tell me what to do. I don’t believe any of us have that right. We are gifted with the opportunity to have a platform in the lives of many. A further aspect of that gift is to realise it places us in an advisory capacity.

I always say, I welcome your advice but know that it is just that. Advice. I will take it into consideration when I make my decision.

So, herewith,  some advice from me… things will be much more pleasant when we all realise our levels of authority.  When we can advise without feeling personally rejected when the advice is not taken.

I am, essentially, responsible for every action I take or even don’t take. Whatever goes right or wrong will be borne by me. So give me the space to do so consciously.
So that I don’t have anyone else to blame but myself if things go wrong.

How will I grow if you never allow me to even flex my wings?

Inspired and Loved

Mind: Unlocked

The reason I read and sometimes watch the things I do, come from my lonely  childhood. At least that’s what I believe.
Books, movies, series,  sagas all present another world to me. Someone else’s world – a better world.

The stories I find most fascinating are the ones where, no matter how terrible the story, there is always a good outcome.
I’ve spent a lifetime waiting for my happy ending.  It’s like that saying: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
Yet my life has had its own miraculous moments. My mother,  who bathed me in love for no other reason (I believe) than the fact that she didn’t get it from her mother. And I don’t think from the woman who raised her either. Definitely not the way she gave it to me.

I spend most of my conscious meanderings mentally pulling myself up short.
I always realise – its because of someone else’s perception of me. I haven’t allowed myself to prove myself to myself.
Yet, I am an advocate of grace. I believe what God’s word says about me is true. And still, I live by my own philosophy – You act what you believe.

Makes me think…
How am I acting?
What do I believe?

I am acting fearful. Fearful of the opinions of people I hold in high regard.  Because I’ve placed them in that high position,  I’ve given them a title and now I expect them to live up to it.

When they don’t, I act surprised, shocked, disappointed.
Its not even my right. Another one of my philosophies…. I have no rights.
What do I deserve?  Nothing.

I hear the collective, figurative gasp at that. Especially in this day and age where people focus so much on creating your own happiness and weeding outthe rotten apples from your life, because you deserve better. Well you don’t.
We’ve been given life. Freely. And I think the very  best we can do with a free gift of such a great magnitude is live it so it does the Giver a great justice. Not mope and moan about injustices and things.
We deserve nothing more because we’ve been given so much.

I feel like I have as much to give but so few to give it to. Like I have so much greatness pent up inside me and on some level I’m afraid to let it out.

It’s true.  Our deepest fear is that we are inadequate.
I can think of nothing else that would hold me back so perfectly.  Inadequate in our sight as well as and/or possibly in the sight of others also.

I value good friendship a great deal. Yet I sometimes feel guilty that I get to experience it. Like what have I done so right to earn the things I have. And in the face of potentially losing it – I find myself feeling guilty again. What right do I have to want to cling to something other people don’t even know how to dream of because there is nothing that can match it.

I love watching or reading books that invoke thoughts of being more and accepting more.

I am overwhelmed when I think of the space I actually take up in this universe.  In comparison I am nothing. In comparison I am no-one.
Yet my being here does something.  It creates something.  Brings forth something.  Dare I say it?

Something great.

I believe in ripple effects and butterflies.  The opportunity to change and be so transformed that you have no choice but to affect your surroundings.
More guilt.
EVERYTHING I do affects someone or something else. It does so in both good and bad ways.
I hate regret. Its a terrible thing. It festers and breeds till all it has brought forth is lack of reason to be thankful.

P.s. 20 minutes of free flow writing…. I did good 🙂

Who am I? Why am I here?

Someone once asked me to tell them about myself. I responded by telling them all about the things I like doing and some other things I appreciate in life.
He responded by informing me that he didn’t want to know what I liked…. He said he wanted to know about me. I still don’t know exactly what that means.

But that’s what this blog is for. That, and I long to share what inspires me so that others would be uplifted.

This will come forth in different forms…. but more about that later.

I would call myself quite a deep soul. I value knowing who I am a great deal. The passion for knowing my identity has been filled by the question: What defines me? What makes me ME?

For your eyes today, I shall attempt to put some of the answers to these questions into words. 

I am, first and foremost, a worshipper. I believe we all are. What makes us different is who or what we worship.

I would call myself quite complex, a lady with many facets and this blog is my attempt at sharing those facets. I do so in the hope that maybe, just maybe I will find kindred souls who will get some of who I am because they share those facets too.
Also, hopefully, there are some other souls out there who don’t know themselves well enough to put a label to the aspects they haven’t been able to name on their own.
I’m hoping to get responses like “I know, right!?!?”
I’m hoping to find other people who, like me are asking, “Is there anyone out there who feels the way I do?”

For as long as I can remember I have loved reading. I read EVERYTHING!  And I can read things more than once without getting bored easily too. This has brought forth, in me, a desire to write. To make others experience the joy I have felt while delving into the literary,  creative, inspiring thoughts and aspirations of others.

I am also a self proclaimed foodie with lots n lots to learn. I really really really enjoy good food. Both eating it and cooking it. And I enjoy sharing it too.

I also love love. Everything about love inspires me and gives me hope. I love that I know how to love because, without any prerequisites, God loves me first. That’s the kind of love that gives life. It’s this kind of love that I want everyone to feel radiating from me and oozing from my pores.

My thoughts translate themselves to me in various ways. Sometimes in colour, other times in sound.

Hopefully,  I get to share all of the things that inspire me with my readers (new and old alike) and perhaps you will all be inspired by what inspires me.

3 Benefits of Being Enthusiastic in Church | Hillsong

I totally get this!

http://hillsong.com/blogs/collected/2014/june/3-benefits-of-being-enthusiastic-in-church

When I go to church- whether on a Sunday or at home in quiet time or whilst having fellowship- it is definitely beneficial to be enthusiastic about whatever I sm about to recieve from God.
Another benefit is being ready, willing and compliant to do all God requires of me to do.

Enthusiasm here is defined in being ready to recieve with the express anticipation of being able to give with all my heart, mind and soul.

You have to recieve so you can give. Why not do it with oomph!  😀

Its simple and effective. 
I love it.